A Quarter that Redefined My Life: Being A Parent for My Parents
At the start of the third quarter of 2023, something significant happened that completely changed my life. I had to step into the role of being a parent for both of my own parents. My mom had an accident and broke her leg, leaving her unable to do much, like a child. This also affected my dad, who was diagnosed with Parkinson’s last year. My mom couldn’t take care of my dad anymore, so I had to take on the responsibility of being a parent to both of them.
This new journey meant giving up everything I had, like my job, 2023 goals and plans, and personal time, to fully focus on taking care of them every day.
In the blink of an eye, my life transformed. I went from being a tech worker with busy weekdays filled with client meetings and active weekends socializing with friends, to a full-time caregiver staying at home and looking after my parents, doing daily chores, and making sure they were well-fed for 24/7
For three months, my mom needed a lot of assistance and had to use special diapers for seniors. It was sad to see her, who is normally active and outgoing like me, unable to enjoy her usual activities like playing ping-pong, social gatherings, gardening, and cooking. Instead, she relied on a wheelchair and other medical equipment to move around.
However, through this experience, I learned some valuable life lessons:
1.Taking Care of Yourself is Essential
You can’t afford to be sick if you’re a full-time caretaker. Imagine trying to look after someone else’s health when you’re struggling with your own. I learned this the hard way when I had a bad bout of GERD at 2AM one night because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was eating at odd hours, living on fast food to save time, and going to bed at 3AM, among other unhealthy habits.
So, the first rule of being a full-time caretaker is that you must prioritize your own health. You have to be in good shape physically before you can take care of others.
2. Dealing with Guilt is Challenging
Dealing with guilt can be really tough. Balancing the needs of my parents with my responsibilities and obligations was tough. I can say I’m the only one my parents can rely on, and I have a full-time job that demands my attention for 5 days a week, 8 hours a day.
Sometimes, I feel guilty over seemingly small things, like when my mom needs to get change her diaper while I’m on a call with a customer. During the rest of my time, I also have to give up my ‘me time’ to take care of all the daily tasks at home for my mom. But there aren’t many options available to me, and I’d feel guilty if I were even a second late when my mom needs me.
However, with time, you’ll discover your own way to make peace with this guilt. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution for this process; you have to go through it step by step and find what works for you.
3.Empathy Grows
Being a caretaker is making me more understanding and kind. I have to choose my words carefully to make people that I am taking care of to feel good and empowered. At some points, I’ve also learned to be patient, especially when we see things differently.
4. Learning to Be a Parent
Being a caretaker is like learning to be a parent. It’s quite similar in how I need to understand and meet another person’s needs. For example, making sure my parents eat at the right times and choosing foods that help with their recovery, and managing their daily schedule.
When my parents get upset, it’s like dealing with a ‘tantrum’, and I need to choose my words carefully to make them feel better and stronger. I also had to handle their emotional moments with understanding and kindness. It’s about being kind and understanding the situation quickly.
5. Growing and Maturing
This process has taught me so much about life. I aspire to be as wonderful as my parents one day.
Taking care of my parents isn’t as simple as it looks. There were difficult times when I felt weak and exhausted inside, but I had to pretend everything was okay.
Despite the pain and tough challenges I face, I hope that my efforts in caring for my parents will help them through this difficult time. Being there for them, making them happy, or at least bringing them peace is my main goal.
6. Lessons for the Future:
This journey has provided me with valuable lessons that I can carry forward into the next phase of my life. Being honest about your feelings and managing your time wisely: balancing self-care with caring for others, is crucial in any aspect of life.
What does managing my time wisely mean in my case? It’s actually very simple:
- Early to Bed, Early to Rise: Hit the hay at 10 PM and greet the day at 5 AM.
- Eat Clean and On Time: Enjoy nutritious, timely meals to fuel your day.
- Move Your Body: Get your blood pumping with 20 minutes of cardio and 40 minutes of muscle workouts.
- Cherish “Me” Time: Dedicate an hour to do whatever makes you happy and relaxed.
- Embrace Flexibility: The rest of the day, go with the flow and focus on caring for others.
And it’s okay to express your feelings and experiences in any form that helps you cope, even through writing like this.
