Life at 30ish can be a weird and deep experience at the same time. As we move through our 20s and into our 30s, we may feel like we’re stuck in a strange limbo between our teenage years and young adulthood. We may still feel like we’re 22, but in reality, we’re approaching our mid-30s. It’s a strange feeling, to say the least. But, this is also the time when our brains are filled with all sorts of deep thoughts and questions about life and everything in between.
As we navigate these limbo years, we find ourselves questioning everything — from tangible issues like work and finances to intangible concepts like love, spirituality, and purpose. We may cry a lot, but we keep our vulnerable moments to ourselves — until we can’t help but share them on social media.
Did I cry a lot? Yes of course. But I just never shared in my social media (well, haha now I’ve officially shared my vulnerable part in internet).
One topic that has been on my mind a lot lately is self-love. What does it really mean? Is it about indulging in things we love like online shopping or traveling? Or is it simply about staying home and watching K-dramas? I’m still not sure about the answer, but I’m on a journey to explore the multiple choices that life has presented to me.
In 2022, I feel like I’m lucky enough to have been given a sign or a light that will guide me to the end of one part of my life. The pandemic may have forced me to become a nomad, but it has also allowed me to spend most of my time in Bali, where I’ve met a mix of old friends and new people who have taught me so much about myself and the world.
I’ve even tried my hand at Tinder, not for the casual hookups (although, I have to admit, I’ve had some fun experiences hahaha), but for the opportunity to connect with others on a deeper level. I’ve met several matches who have shared their own struggles and past experiences with me, allowing us to become vulnerable and open with each other.
But, there is one person in particular who has helped me to accept my flaws, react to them, and love myself more in the middle of a struggle. I thought I was in love with this person, but it turns out that I just adore their personality and feel a soulful connection with them. Our relationship isn’t typical, but we support and help each other grow in a way that’s hard to explain.
Some might say that I’m being “bucin” (a term in Indonesian slang used to describe someone who is overly infatuated with another person), but I’ve come to understand that there are two sides to this coin. Bucin can be associated with toxic relationships, but it can also have a positive side if we learn to control our feelings and use them to grow as individuals.
Through this unique relationship, I’ve learned that it’s okay not to be okay, and that taking time for ourselves is crucial. We’re both busy with work during the day, but we try to be there for each other whenever we need. This pattern has helped me manage my time better as a worker, son, and friend.
Believe it or not, this unconventional relationship has had a tangible effect on my life. I’ve learned to manage my time better, which has helped me achieve my work KPIs and earn bonuses. Every conversation with this person leads me to research and learn more, allowing me to grow both personally and professionally.
In conclusion, life in our 30s can be weird and deep, but it’s also a time of growth and self-discovery. We may feel like we’re stuck in limbo, but we have the opportunity to explore and learn more about ourselves and the world around us. And, who knows, we may even
Isn’t this bucin feeling leading me to know my self more better and to love myself more — self-love?
